"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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