it's too hot outside to masturbate.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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