i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Randomize
