he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
