Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
