i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
