I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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