peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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