I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
