Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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