I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
