Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
