In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
