Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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