I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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