If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
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