It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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