dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
