I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
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so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
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Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
i've created a new STD.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
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