Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
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All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
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This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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