watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
