just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
