FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
