My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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