i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
