Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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