Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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