apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
