So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
