I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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