This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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