I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
