You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize