how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
