I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
"it" just moved
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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