Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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