Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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