Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
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i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
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I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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