It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
