It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
