I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Randomize
