Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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