My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
