Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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