Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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