I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Even my vagina gasped.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize
