my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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