At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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