She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
My liver is preforming stress tests.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
