I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize