Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
So vagazzling was a success
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
