Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
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Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
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For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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