After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
