My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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