I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
