By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
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