My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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