he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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