I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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