hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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