I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
