i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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