I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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