i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Randomize
