Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
