also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
