um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
