i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
