we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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