some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Holy sore nipples Batman
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
