am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
