i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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