Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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