all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
