Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Randomize
