At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Text me some of your sweat
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
