the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
they need to just BURY HIM!
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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