Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
