Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
