dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
