FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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