If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
