have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
