i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize