Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
