My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
