like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
