I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
